Wednesday, June 13, 2007

saying grace

I am saying grace tonight, this night in the middle of everything, this night as I face my fears, as my demons have appeared once more and I fight them on a new battle ground. I am saying grace for the great things that have happened, so that the demons will realize their power is but limited, but a very small part of the reality I live.

The demons and the angels of my psychology, all of them are here to stay, all of them have travelled with me, and with me specifically, for me to fight and for me to fall back upon. Other people will have their own angels&demons, will have their own fears to face and their own sources of pride.

Tonight, I am having my own little non-religious thanksgiving - so as to scare the demons away, so as to feel strong with the power of good things that happen all the time, so as to summon the courage to take this step tomorrow - I am saying grace ...

... for close escapes
... for walking in the sea with bare feet
... for eating chocolate chip cookies
... for accepting different truths to co-exist
... for listening to stories being told & developed & enlarged just a little bit
... for truth be told and for secrets
... for bikes, for my fear of them, my bike helmet and for getting back on the bike.
... for red wine stains and salt to solve them
... for finding (back) friends
... for sitting on the floor, leaning against blue cushions and out of the window, drowning a bottle of wine and talking and discovering even more aspects of life, even more perspectives and views
... for planes... for my laptop (a portal)
... for business suits and high-heeled snake shoes, ... for little black dresses.
... for writing down quotes and using them inappropriately, for making fun of people and testing if they will laugh at themselves, for gaining trust, for learning to trust, again, and again.
... for bowing deep, deep to cunningness and learning from that, too, for fighting back, for knowing, for being absolutely clear that I'll bounce back on my feet all the time, all the time.
... for the good, and for the bad
... for falling deep and learning from mistakes
... for the La La days
... for the ZsaZsa Zsu
... for all the details and all the generalizations
... for the ferry boat episodes
... for the intuitions and the rationalizations
... for the fragility and instability and the transciency
... for the people, all the people in my life
... for getting closer, closer to me, closer to true, closer to abso-#*-lutely magnificent.

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